Mary Margaret Park: “My 20/20 Mind’s Eye Hindsight” (I)
Phytoplankton, that’s what I felt like, like some small inordinate creature in a lagoon, and I was being gobbled by sharks. These days, I had come more and more to that conclusion, not that it mattered much, not that anyone could understand. These days, the only thing that seemed to calm my stilling nerves were the simple things. I raised my face up, inhaled deeply, and cherished the feel of the breeze on my face. Sixteen. I was sixteen when I lost my virginity. He was a cook at the restaurant where I was working. Some sort of ‘Soul’ connection drew me to him. He certainly wasn’t the sort of man my parents would have envisioned for me, as he had little going for him. None of that mattered to me, what mattered was the way he looked at me, with those dewy eyes of his, slow and measured, as if he were drinking me in with his gaze, but was taking his time, savoring the moment. He shone, but his ‘glow’ was muted, an easy going ripple in a pond.
It didn’t end well.
After he took my virginity, he moved on to something better, he must have thought so, anyway. I didn’t see it that way, not at all. She was a cheap floozy, and I found that particularly insulting. The last time I saw him, I screamed at him, told him I knew he’d never loved me. The only consolation on that occasion turned out to be the man I was with, he was a beautiful boy child, literally breath taking, a real head turner, and that was something, wasn’t it?
Boys and men are my downfall. I love them, the kind ones anyway. I’ve never been much on female companionship. I don’t like the ‘back biting’. Too much drama, and who gives a shit anyway? On the days I don’t feel like Phytoplankton, I feel like a whale sifting kelp, only on a spiritual level, it’s an interesting journey, but you have to take the good with the bad, and boy, have I seen some bad, like a serial killer in a landslide. Dark spirits swirling around my head like an unseen cloud of feeding mosquitoes, yuck, like the symbol for poison.
Not that it matters, nope, I don’t guess it does, except to me. I guess it’s all part of the journey, isn’t it?
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Posted by: Mary Margaret Park (MMP Publishing) August 21st, 2013 under Mary Margaret Park, MMP Publishing, Uncategorized.
Tags: kuneo koei, mary margaret park, mary margaret parker, mmp publishing, poems, Stories, writings